Mourning Mother
by lrhaboggle
Summary: Although Rapunzel sees now that Gothel was a monster, Rapunzel still misses her dearly because even evil has loved ones. Besides, how can you get over someone who was the biggest part of your life for 18 years?


As a child, Rapunzel's head ran mad with crazy dreams of her and her mother, Gothel, being together forever and doing all that there was to do side by side. She envisioned them, traveling the world and seeing all the wonders of the planet. They would be together for all of it, sharing those new adventures with one another. But sadly, although half of that dream was something Gothel agreed upon, the other half was not.

"Mommy, can we ever go to the castle and dance like the princesses in my book?" little Rapunzel asked her mother one day. She had just finished reading a book about a normal girl who ended up going to a royal ball at the palace and, at the ball, she met a handsome prince and the two fell in love and eventually even got married! It was such a happy, lovely story that Rapunzel wanted to live it out herself. Of course, mother Gothel would come along too! Rapunzel would never leave her dear mommy behind. But she really wanted to go to that castle and dance...

She showed Gothel the book hopefully.

"No dear, those are just stories," Gothel replied, gently shoving the book away. "They aren't real. The real world is cold and cruel. Not for sweet little girl like you," she said.

"Oh," Rapunzel's eyes stung as she took the book back. Gothel could hear the tears coming and she sighed.

"I love you very much, dear," she reminded the child, then she gave her a tender kiss on the hair.

"I love you too, Mommy," Rapunzel replied, cheering up a little from the kiss. Gothel sighed in relief and then sent the girl off to play before silently vowing to get rid of that book later on.

ooo

Years later, Rapunzel stood at the base of her tower, Gothel's old musty cloak still lay there from her terrible fall so long ago.

"You were wrong about the world and you were wrong about me," Rapunzel said, repeating the very same words she had told Gothel right before renouncing their ties. This time, though, her words were not charged with anger. Instead, they were pleading and sad. Rapunzel continued to speak to the place where Gothel had finally died. Her voice was almost kind.

"The dancing princesses were real, and we could've seen them. We could've been together forever just like you wanted!" she insisted. "Even if you weren't my mother, you might've been my nanny…" of course, this idea was absolutely insane and even a little bit stupid, but Rapunzel was too busy mourning Mother to realize this. She really had loved Gothel, after all, and losing the woman she had called a mother for 18 years was not easy. It wasn't something she would get over any time soon just because so much trauma and history surrounded her and Gothel.

True, Gothel wasn't a good mom, and she turned out to be evil in the end, but Rapunzel still pined for the woman she'd lived with and confided in for so long. She missed Gothel. She keened for the woman who raised her and kept her happy despite selfish intentions. Rapunzel knew all Gothel had ever said to her was a lie, but she still longed to hear Gothel say "I love you" one last time. She wanted to hear those comforting words again even if she knew she would never be able to believe them.

Besides, Gothel could've been worse than she was. She had, Rapunzel had to admit, made great sacrifices in order to keep Rapunzel happy. Gothel was 18 years of Rapunzel. Gothel was hazel nut stew and paint made from special seashells. Gothel was a confidant and a caretaker. Gothel had raised her and taught her. How could Rapunzel ever get over that?

It didn't matter how hard her real parents pushed her to forget Gothel, Rapunzel knew that somehow, Gothel would always be a part of her and she would always be a part of Gothel. Gothel had just been too foundational a part of Rapunzel to change that and Rapunzel almost didn't want that part of Gothel to go. That selfish and foolish part of Rapunzel that still loved and missed Gothel would not be quiet.

"Should I love you for raising me well, or hate you for stealing 18 years from me?" Rapunzel asked the cloak. No reply. Rapunzel sighed heavily before turning to go. She had to get back to the castle before anyone suspected that she wasn't just out in the market like she had promised.

A day later, Rapunzel returned to Gothel's grave with a gold rose. She planted it where Gothel's cloak lay, wrapping the long dark cape around the stem of the rose.

"Here, in memoriam," the lost princess whispered as she finished planting the rose.

"And I forgive you. If you wanted to know," she added sadly. She knelt before the rose in silent thought for a few minutes before shaking her head. As healthy as grief and mourning was, she had to be careful she didn't overdo it. She had to go now before anything else happened. Maybe she would come back another time, but she could not stay here now for much longer.

"I really do love you," she told Gothel right before she left. "Even now, though I shouldn't, I love you and I miss you. I wish you could say the same," the girl paused to wipe at a few of her tears before a tiny ray of hope entered her mind. "Perhaps you can," she said. "Perhaps one day you can learn to really love me and forgive me too. Perhaps you just need to see that there is good in this cruel world. You just need to see the light."

 **AN: Once again, I don't mean to romanticize Gothel and Rapunzel's unhealthy relationship, but I do imagine that Rapunzel would sincerely miss Gothel, at least for a little while. I mean think about it, Gothel kept Rapunzel happy and healthy for 18 years and did everything she could to make Rapunzel emotionally dependent upon her. What do you think Rapunzel is going to do now that that crutch has been brutally ripped away from her? I'd bet money that Rapunzel misses Gothel sometimes, even though she knows she shouldn't.**


End file.
